There's a few things in life that are painful to hear. Most of them fall in the category of TMI (the too thin walls at the hotel, the detailed description of your latest food poisoning, the specifics about your latest cervical fluid), but the one phrase that is guaranteed to make people uncomfortable is when you hear "we're trying". Typically, the first thing that comes to people's minds is not the beautiful baby they are trying to conceive, but rather the act of concieving that no one really wants to think about of their friends, family, or other partaking in. But there is something worse than having to hear someone say "we're trying". Having to say "we're trying".
Maybe it's ultimately because you know that the first image that comes to peoples minds is something you don't really want anyone that isn't directly involved knowing about (well, at least I don't). But I think it's more than that. Because to many a woman, it is an admission of a challenge, or to some, a failure. It's admitting that things aren't happening the way you wanted or hoped they would. It's a way to fight back the tears when people ask you when you're going to have a baby (or another baby), and the truth is you have no idea. It announces that it's not as easy as we all think, and that it might not be in the cards for you. It can also be a way to stop the questions, and avoid the comments. Sometimes I try to avoid using those words and substitute with some of my other favorites - "that's not up to me", or "whenever we are blessed with another". I always try to keep a positive attitude, but as many women know who have had a challenge with getting pregnant, it's not always easy. The truth really IS that it's not 100% up to me, and that if we are blessed with another little being in our lives we will be truly grateful. But until then, I try to keep my responses easy going, and not to offer TMI. Just keep in mind next time, as uncomfortable as you may feel when someone says to you "we're trying", it might be 1000% more uncomfortable for them to admit it.
But whether you admit it or not, or whether you have pulled the goalie or have upped the defense... it'll be a much happier world if we all "Keep Trying"!
first day of first grade
10 years ago
I don't first think of "the act" when someone utters those words ... instead I think of how difficult it must be to want something and be forced to be patient and positive. And, while, I don't say it - and you already know this - it all happens - in it's own time - for a reason.
ReplyDeleteThis post also reminded me of a post I wrote a while ago ... thought you'd enjoy it :)
http://mommybrainnw.blogspot.com/2009/05/dont-fail-to-try.html